Master - Submissive!
Our Master is also a man.
We, slaves, recognize it, are very demanding with respect to our Masters, we would like them "made to measure" cut to fulfill our fantasies, to make us live what we feel we need... Most often we enter into a relationship by asking "what are you going to do to me" and it is better that the program suits us... We often wonder in the end who is the master who is the slave...
We ask a LOT of our dom, sometimes we demand it, and often after a while, we stop dreaming and we are looking for the new rare pearl who will match the profile even better than the previous one.
And then, one day, we meet someone who makes us want to put down our suitcases, to go a long way together. And this is where there is the biggest difficulty for us: let our Dom take his place, stop wanting to “remotely guide” him to satisfy OUR desires, and let him really take power and guide us.
It is in this experience that we fully realize ourselves as a slave.
We must make the effort to no longer look at the dom as a sex toy, but to consider it as a full-fledged partner that we need to fulfill ourselves in all the dimensions of our personalities... and who also needs us and of what we give him to flourish himself in this relationship.
Translated and adapted from an English text here is what we must think about to understand what our Dom is entitled to expect from us and that he may never tell us of himself, or worse than we will let him never express.
We must also seek to understand that what our Dom expects goes far beyond the framework of sexual service.
(This text concerns the Master-slave relationship followed even in the long term.)
1. Know your responsibilities.
Leaders have responsibilities. They have the responsibility to forgive and understand. They have a responsibility to be strong and independent. They have a responsibility to be wise and patient, and to control us and be masters of themselves and other partners. They must accept responsibility for everything that happens with the submissive. They still have the responsibility to bear the consequences of our actions and (often) the actions of our submissives.
But, the responsibilities of submissives also exist. (No, not the “suck my dick every day” type of responsibilities. These are game rules or relationship choices.) Submissive responsibilities begin with communicating with your dominant. Have patience in the relationship. Work to build trust with your partner. And have realistic expectations of the relationship, while knowing how to be discreet about what is going on in your relationship.
Do you know all these things?
2. Remember patience?
Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace
When you start dating someone - you don't ask them to marry you the first week. Neither the first month, nor (hopefully) the first year.
So why are you in a hurry to be immediately “trapped”?
Why this pressure to invent a myriad of “collars” to validate each status change in the relationship?
Take the time to talk, discover yourself and fall in love.
It is the same with fetishes. I understand that you are a huge anal slut. But let's continue on that. Yes, I can probably create a scene with 23 different sensational toys and half a dozen different positions.
But what interest? Let's share other experiences, make our own experiences.
Let's find out, let's learn about each other before moving on to what could be a permanent relationship.
It takes time for a dominant to become YOUR Master. We need time to learn your little quirks. It takes experience to recognize your body language and to be able to guess your fears and feelings. There will be false starts, stops, pitfalls and awkward situations.
If you really want a relationship with your dominant…be realistic about it.
Expecting us to rock into your world immediately...this happens sometimes, but most of the time it takes time and effort before we get to know you well enough to really dazzle you.
3. have realistic expectations
You are not perfect? Well, neither do we. We learn every day. A good Dominant (one who will eventually earn the title of "Master") constantly works on these imperfections, through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading. Do you expect a 29-year-old to pay for all your outings, have a fully equipped dungeon, be the perfect boyfriend, help pay your rent, and be expert with all the games? Frankly, that would be naive.
Building a relationship takes a lot of work - and that relationship has to be built on both sides. We understand that you sacrifice a lot when you give up your body, sometimes your soul.
Often, so do we. We give as much as we can of our time, money and emotions. We are equally hurt when we are dumped, manipulated or deceived. But you may have noticed that we don't usually have “dominant support” groups. So while you are more likely to lose your body and heart in the beginning, we are likely to lose an awful lot of our soul and spirit...in the end.
If we're with you and making an honest effort, respect it. We respect you (even when we call you a slut while whipping your ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something extraordinary. We recognize your talents and efforts. Please recognize ours.
4. Consistency
It's a real rollercoaster ride to have a submissive who is one person in the morning, another at night, and a total stranger when he forgets his meds.
And roller coasters are fun…but they don't make for great everyday activities.
We will do our best to apply the rules consistently. To meet your needs as much as possible, when we can. To be the same Dominant on Monday that we are on Saturday night.
What do we ask in return?
The same from you. Make the effort to follow these rules.
Don't give us all Saturday night for the party, and then go back to the relationship for the rest of the week.
It takes effort to be a submissive that has the same level of dedication, commitment, and concern, Monday through Sunday. Honestly, we don't care if this level is low, medium, high, or barely existing. We'll work with that - that's what makes us Dominant. We motivate, we train and we guide. But if you give us a different persona and a different level of submission every day, the greatest master of the scene couldn't handle that 24/7.
We also can't divulge what's going on in our relationships, so going online and chatting in a slave group, or on Fet, about your Master not scratching your itch, or that you're so bummed he didn't make SexyMoveA #1 last night? It's not cool.
We're not going to (believe it or not) gossip with every dominant we know about your ass twitching last night or your odd behavior after a grueling play scene.
Please show the same courtesy. Don't assume that just because you're submissive you can talk about anything you want in our relationship and call it "submissive experience sharing."
If you have a real problem in the relationship - we should be the first person you tell. Not your online friends. .
This is not to deny abuse.
If you are being abused (physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically, sexually, etc.), for God's sake, go to your local shelter. See the nearest victims' lawyer. Or the nearest police station. But keep in mind, outside of these abuses Relationships will be much easier if you talk frankly about the issues with your partner.
Talking to your partner solves a LOT of things,
6 Trust.
Really trust.
No, that doesn't mean you have to trust me immediately at the first word. It would be insane.
But this is related to numbers 8 and 9. Have you heard the old adage “Trust takes time”? Well, trust also takes effort and communication (see #10). From both parties. Trust is a two-way street.
If your dominant has to constantly prove that he deserves your trust, then why are you with him? I was once with a submissive who convinced me that it was Dominant's job to constantly earn and regain trust. I hear the mantra of “Master/win/trust” at least once a day. The whole relationship was a long marathon of constant efforts to "earn" his trust by doing whatever he wanted and never disagreeing with him.
It took a slap in the face from a very loyal and controlling friend before I realized I was being used.
7 Health
It is obvious. But unfortunately, we rarely talk about it in our lifestyle.
If you suffer from depression, bipolar episodes, mania, or have ever been described by friends, dominants, or family members as a “wild and crazy” type… chances are you need therapy. Maybe drugs. There's no shame in that: a HUGE percentage of people in this modern world have psychological issues that need to be addressed with medication or therapy. Please search for one before approaching a dominant.
In return, we will try to do the same for our own problems.
Building deeply emotional and stressful relationships should be done AFTER mental health issues have been resolved and brought under control.
8 Stop Dwelling On The Past
Your last Dominant hurt you, or he wasn't up to it. I get that, personally my last submission didn't either.
But that said… now it's about us and we're starting from scratch.
I need to know if your last Dom was violent, hurtful or cruel. You also need to know if my last submission was a failure. This is part of the #10 set of “communication skills” and it will affect how we interact.
However, I do NOT need to hear an AZ reproach list of everything you didn't like about him...or a weekly update on how you compare me to him, since I don't. probably don't act like him and that I don't care about my differences with him.
It's a new relationship.
You wouldn't want me constantly comparing you, out loud, to my last submissive. You wouldn't want your intimate partner constantly comparing you to their latest lover. I don't like it either.
Leave the past, bury the past.
9 Honesty and understanding
Want us to know how hard submission is?
Well, we want you to know how hard Domination is. We need to think in three dimensions about the emotional and psychological impact of everything from our tone of voice, to our tools, from our clothes to our cologne, to our hair.
It's exhausting at times, and just like submissives…sometimes we get exhausted. Sometimes we are too tired to be the ideal Master.
And just as we expect (from our dominant siblings, if not our submissives) to always understand and uphold the rights and feelings of slaves… we deserve a little attention ourselves, too.
10 Communications
Domination AND submission. Master and slave. Up and down. Please note the “and”. You and me.
The "and"? It makes a lot of sense. This means that just as much as you expect your dominant to communicate with you about your training and performance…we expect the same.
We deserve the same.
If you have any concerns, you should talk to us, not post them on Fetlife.
If you feel hurt, you should sit down and have a one-on-one with your Dom, rather than tearing him down in front of all your friends.
If you honestly believe your Dom is in trouble? Talk to him about it.
You can be big boy/boi/slave/slut/whore/bottom/queer/toy/androgynous. But if you don't communicate at least as well as you wish for yourself with your Dominant, how will he be able to communicate with you?
If you don't make an effort to communicate? Then you are the problem, not the Dom.
translated and adapted from https: // sirmastermark. tumblr.com/post/153431390086/10-things-a-dominant-needs-from-a-submissive
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